Finding a Good Man

Finding a Good Man

Part I

In response to a query on Facebook from Anji about finding a good man who doesn’t lie and cheat:

Anji, first off, we live in a time and in a place where, indeed, it has become hard to find a good man. I have a two part response. I will begin by addressing the problem and then suggest some things to think about that might be helpful.

First off, you and I both know that there are bad people everywhere.  I will not pontificate on the fallen nature of mankind… there is no need to… we see it around us daily. What I suggest is that, historically, societies typically have shifts in the moral codes of the individuals – right to left, generally, but sometimes cycling back right, but more often than not cycling down to the destruction of the society.

I have seen a steady and persistent shift in moral standards in the  western world over my 25 years as a Social Philosophy, Ethics, and Critical Reasoning college professor. I have watched this shift with amazement and no small amount of alarm and agree with many others who have remarked that the shift took off like a tsunami in the years of the Vietnam War. The society has shifted from being characterized as generally holding to heterarchic morals to one characterized as holding to autoarchic morals.  (A brief explanation: 1) Autoarchic Morals are moral standards that come from humans we create them; we author them, and 2) Heterarchic Morals are moral standards that come from outside of the human imagination, typically from Natural Law {moral standards woven into the fabric of the universe} or from a Divine being; we either acknowledge and submit to them, or we don’t.)

In short, I have seen our society move to where a large and vocal portion has shifted to moral anarchy – they are a moral law unto themselves and reject any other outside possibility. I do not say a majority, but a powerful and vocal portion. Let me ask you to do one thing to see this for yourself. Pick a half a dozen random TV series from the early 60’s and do the same for a half a dozen series now.  Ask yourself, is there a difference in how the following are portrayed: sex, marriage, monogamy, chastity until marriage, fidelity within marriage, honesty, running a conscientious and honest business, living a life of faith, patriotism, and etc. Is there a difference in the morals and values found acceptable to air to the public between, say “Ozzie and Harriet” and  this season’s “Smilf”?

You know there is. What would you expect from men who have been raised in a society where both the media and public education has taught them moral relativism and that honesty, integrity, and fidelity are outdated and restrictive to their happiness and freedom? I would expect that there would be a lot of men who are willing to lie and cheat – maybe not always, but they are not categorically opposed to it either. The odds are not as good as they were in the 60’s. (Note: I am not picking on men only here; women are in the same boat – I am simply responding to a specific question.)

So, the blunt and short answer is that there is a shortage of honest and faithful men… and this is a natural and expected consequence of the general moral shift in our society.

Do not despair, however! All is not lost. In Part II, I will offer up some things for you to consider that might help you to weed out the one that you really should avoid and more quickly find the keepers.

For more Packets of Wisdom, go to

This entry was posted in Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *