Family Focus: Family Blog Post #9 Stuck Like Glue
“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching – they are your family.” Jim Butcher
I had a client in the office a couple of years back whose wife had filed for divorce and asked him to move out. He had been being emotionally abusive to her for a few years, and he readily admitted it. His reason, however, was that he found out a few years back that his wife had been unfaithful. When he found out, he was devastated and hurt…but eventually found a way to get past it and have the marriage stay intact.
A tough choice. He told me that he still loved her and wanted to be her husband and keep the family together.
This was the good news. The bad news was that he never really forgave her….and the hurt and bitterness remained and festered and manifested by his regular lashing out and negative actions… almost always when he had been drinking. “In vino veritas” – in wine there is truth. When people get tipsy, their social filter often comes down and their real self shows through… and his real self harbored resentment and anger. He tried hard to get past it but could not.
Why did he try so hard? It is family. It is love for his wife and protection for his children. It is, as many think, the number one job of a husband and father. But the pain persisted and the emotional reality was poisoning the home.
If you find yourself committed to keep your family intact, I applaud you for that. I do however strongly encourage you to find ways to not have the family destroyed in other ways by not truly dealing with the root and core issues. We were created to cherish family above all others, but we were not necessary trained and equipped to deal with the often tremendous forces that threaten to tear our families apart.
There is no shame in admitting that we do not have the strength, knowledge, wisdom, or support to see it through. It just means we are human with human limitations and frailties. I encourage you to find wise support that will allow you to tap into the strength in your soul to make it work.
Families should be forever.
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